I recently stopped breastfeeding – FINALLY. I can shout it from the rooftops.
My toddler is 2.5 years old, and this has marked the end of a chapter that’s been beautiful, challenging, and emotional. And if I’m being totally honest, has been long overdue.
I always knew I wanted to breastfeed. I breastfed my first, and while it only lasted about 6 months, I knew I wanted to do it again with our second baby. I just never imagined I’d do it for THIS long, but here we are.
I kept going for so many reasons – because he wasn’t ready to stop. Because it worked for us – until it didn’t. I kept going even when I was touched out, sleep-deprived, and starting to lose little bits of myself.
I breastfed through the newborn haze, through teething and tantrums and travel. I breastfed when I had a flu, when he had a stomach bug, and when we both just needed the comfort.
There were so many times over the last year when I told myself “I’m done, I can’t do this anymore.”, but I kept putting it off – “I can’t do this anymore” changed to “Maybe we’ll try in a few months”.
I kept putting him first. And while I am proud of that, I do think it was a disservice to myself and the way I was feeling – I was beyond exhausted, mentally and physically.
Breastfeeding a toddler isn’t all magical bonding moments and serene cuddles in a rocking chair. It’s not those calm, quiet moments you had in the early newborn days. It’s a little person who can nearly form full sentences, can understand things, and throw the WILDEST of tantrums if you say “no boobie right now.”
I didn’t realize how much it was affecting me mentally until I admitted I was avoiding weaning out of guilt. Not because I wanted to keep going, but because I felt awful when he cried, and I didn’t want him feeling rejected.
I also avoided it because it just seemed so hard to stop – I didn’t even know how or where to start. I didn’t feel like I had the mental strength to push through with it.
I’ve only recently found that strength, which I credit to starting to get a bit of time back to myself. I’ve been prioritising my wants and needs more lately. So, one night at bedtime, I just stopped.
It didn’t suddenly “get easy”, but I knew I couldn’t keep doing something that was costing me more than I had to give.
The last couple of weeks have been emotional. He’s been upset. He’s asked for it, cried for it, clung to me. But I’ve stayed close, offered cuddles, and reminded him: “Mummy’s still here, it’s okay.”
And you know what? He’s doing better than I expected. So am I.
Weaning is so much more than just milk – it’s about letting go of something sacred and exhausting and beautiful all at once.
I’m so proud of how long I breastfed, and I’m just as proud that I stopped.
If you’re in this chapter – whether you’re just starting, deep in the trenches, or thinking about the end – please know this:
You get to choose what works for you.
You’re allowed to change your mind.
You’re allowed to honour your needs.
You’re a good mum no matter how long you breastfeed.
And you’re a good mum if you don’t breastfeed.
I am excited for this new chapter. I’m excited to reclaim my body, relearn what it feels like to be completely mine again. Oh and buy so many cute non-nursing bras.
This has been of the most meaningful parts of my motherhood journey. I am so proud I gave him this start, but I’m also proud I gave myself this ending.
Have you weaned yet? Are you thinking about it? Did you feel all the feelings too? Leave a comment or message me on Instagram – I’d love to talk more about this with you.
Lauren x
P.S. – The beautiful photos featured in this blog post were captured by Malika Jane Photography. I can’t thank her enough for including these in our family portrait session. If you’re in or near North Yorkshire, I cannot recommend her enough.
