Motherhood is beautiful, but let’s be honest – it’s also exhausting. I’m not just talking about physically exhausting, but mentally, as well.
From remembering things like doctor’s appointments to keeping track of who needs new shoes and what their favorite snack is (which changes daily it seems!), us mums are quite often the default planners, problem-solvers and organisers of family life. But it’s not just the actual DOING of the tasks – it’s the constant anticipating, thinking and managing that wears us down.
It’s impossible to eliminate the mental load entirely, but here are some things that I find actually make a difference to at least lightening it a bit:
Make the invisible visible
One of the biggest struggles is that a lot of it often goes unnoticed. If people like your partner or support system don’t see it, how are they supposed to help carry it? Do things like:
- Have open conversations with your partner about what’s on your plate, and where you need support. Write down literally everything you’re managing, like meal plans and appointments, to create awareness.
- Bonus – use a shared calendar or app to divide responsibilities fairly, and so everyone knows what’s in the planner. We use Google Calendar for this!
Stop being the default parent for everything
It’s so easy to fall into the trap of just doing everything yourself because you “know how to do it best” and it’ll just be quicker that way, but you’re doing yourself an injustice. Doing this long-term just reinfoces the mental load. Instead:
- Hand off some tasks completely – no micromanaging! If your partner is in charge of bath time, then they’re fully in charge.
- Give your kids age-appropriate responsibilities. Even toddlers can help pick up toys or put clothes in the laundry basket. I’ve started asking my son to tidy his own room up.
- Learn to say “I trust you to handle it” instead of taking over when things aren’t done exactly as you would do them. At least they’re getting done.
Steamline & automate things where possible
Not everything needs to live in your brain or on your to-do list. Use systems that take some decision-making off your plate (AI is SO helpful for this!):
- It’s the age of subscription services – set up recurring deliveries for household essentials (nappies, wipes, laundry detergent, etc.) so you don’t have to remember. I have SO many subscription services – Kit & Kin, Smol, even my skincare is on a subscription service!
- Creating a meal plan rotation so you’re not constantly thinking, “What’s for dinner?”
- Making a family command center (physical or digital – I have my eyes on the Skylight Calendar for this!) with schedules, reminders, and important info in one place.
Drop the guilt and accept when things are “good enough”
A lot of the mental load comes from expectations – from society and ourselves. Instead of giving into that pressure:
- Let go of the pressure to do everything yourself. Asking for help doesn’t make you a failure.
- Embrace shortcuts (think pre-chopped veggies, screen time when needed, or getting a takeaway when you’re tired).
- Remind yourself that your worth is not measured by how much you get done.
Make space for yourself
When your brain is constantly overloaded, it’s hard to breathe let alone enjoy motherhood. Prioritise yourself – it isn’t selfish. Some ways to do this:
- Schedule non-negotiable time for yourself – even if it’s just 15 minutes with a cup of coffee in silence. Make sure you stick to those boundaries.
- Romanticising the everyday, mundane tasks, like listening to a podcast while folding laundry.
- Ask yourself, “If I had an extra hour today just for me, what would I do?” Then actually DO IT when possible.
What’s one thing you do to lighten the mental load?
